I've been thinking lately about writing more in a blog, so that's what I am going to do. I feel now that is the only way right now that I can express my feelings. When Joseph died, I quit writing. I quit doing things I enjoyed. Now that time has passed a little bit, I feel that I have reached a point where I can organize my thoughts and lay them down in writing. I have gone through so much in the past two years, wow. I have changed so much. I've grown up. I've gained more knowledge. I feel I am at a point where I am mature. Going through losing a close friend and love and then becoming a mother has made me who I am now. I am careful, I am cautious, and I am more intuitive. I am starting to understand that I can find some good in the bad. I am beginning to understand things that I cannot change. I know that I haven't completed the grieving process yet, but I am beginning to understand that I can be happy again. Everyone says that "Leanna, you will find love again someday" or "Leanna, Joseph would won't you to be happy and he would want you to marry." Well, despite how lonely I am; I can't see myself falling in love again. I've accepted it. I've tried to see myself being with someone and being in love, but I don't see it happening ever. I don't want, I don't need, and I think I be happy without it. I am happy with what I have and what I had.
I would like to use my experiences to inspire others. I want to inspire others to not take things for granted, and for others to love someone like it's the last day of there life. I want my story of Joseph and Me to inspire others to love like we did. I also want to use my grief and put it to good use. I want to show others that it's okay to grieve and it's okay to be sad. I want to show others that it's also okay to move on too. It's the hardest thing to lose a husband, fiance, boyfriend. It's that one person that you wanted to share your life with. Someone you confided it, someone that you wanted to grow old with, and the person who was your best friend. For those that are dating, married, engaged, it's hard to imaging life without them. I couldn't imagine life without Joseph despite that he was destined to leave me to go to heaven. It's that bond you share with them that you don't want to let go. That's something I had to do for now. God has been here with me every step of the way. He has proven to me that I can live without Joseph, even though I thought it was impossible. God has also made me rely on Him more for things. He has given assurance that He will provide for my every need. I am falling more in love with Him everyday. I want to be with Him, but at the same time I want to live life in His glory. I know that in someway God used Joseph and his life, to bring me closer to Him. I know that I have has some struggle since he died, but God would bring me out of the shadows and bring me back in to the light. For those who are grieving, don't let the evil one put you in darkness through your hard time. Do not listen to his lies. I try to remind myself of this. The evil one tries to use your loss to bring you down. Don't let him. Rely on God to get you through. God will give you just enough strength to get through it.
Some Verse to think out
"My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Your word." Psalm 119:28.
"God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4).
Another thing I want to let out, express is that I am so tired of people thinking that there domination is the way. God would not want Christians fighting each other. You should say that you are Christian, not methodist, lutheran, baptist, presbyterian. etc. A Domination DOESN'T matter when you go to heaven. What should matter is that you are in a fellowship of God. It's annoys me when certain Christians think they are better then other Christians. I think back to a verse in the bible where Jesus says, ""Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned." (Luke 6:37). I also cannot stand the idea of people who think they are better you. I do not like people being too prideful. Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling." Don't be prideful, please.
Things are just somethings that I have been thinking about lately. I am planning on continuing to write things little sermons I guess you could say. I also will be writing blogs about how I feel maybe it will inspire you in someway or give you something to think about.
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