Sunday, October 19, 2008

Encouraging Words from Joseph

Today I woke up feeling that my battle with sadness I’ve been dealing with this week was over. The sadness seemed to have been lifted. I went to sleep last night. I finally got to sleep without any thoughts that kept me awake. As I slept through the night, I dreamed. I dreamed of Joseph. I dreamed he was by side, not saying a word but there. He comforted me. I didn’t feel so alone. In my dream it felt like he was there for real. I put my hand on his face and I felt the softness of his skin. I felt that was what I needed. I needed to be close to him in some way. I was able to feel close to him in a dream.


Today I went through some of Joseph’s writings that I have on my computer. I read a few of them. The Prayer Day Testimony that he wrote gave me some insight. I felt like this was for me to read today.

He wrote, “It all began over the summer break. The Lord revealed to me that there was about to be an idol in my life, the idol of a physical healing. You see, I was thinking that I needed to experience a miraculous physical healing in order to experience complete freedom, joy, and peace in the Lord. So one day, He tapped me on the shoulder and told me to give it over to Him. He told me, “Why should I heal you if your heart does not fully belong to me?” He showed me that I needed to put Him on the throne of my heart and learn to make Him the Love of my life. He wanted to not only be the Lord of my life, but the Love of my life. You could say that the Lord urged me to get on board His agenda. Then the Lord began His work in a very unexpected way. He actually allowed my physical condition to get a lot worse. At first I got a bit upset, but then I felt how much closer the Lord seemed to be to me. As He seemed to give me a double portion of pain, He also seemed to give me a double portion of His presence and of His Spirit as well. And then before I knew it, I had more freedom, peace, and joy than I had ever imagined. When I came back to school this semester, many things were different. When Jesus becomes the Love of your life, everything is different. It’s like you have new eyes to see more of what Jesus sees, a new heart to feel more of what He feels, and new mind to know more of what He knows. You will discover that it is the blood of Jesus that now runs through your veins and it is His heart that now beats inside of you.

“Since Jesus has become the Love of my life, I have been experiencing many powerful lessons and I want to share a few of them with you. The first lesson that I’ve been experiencing is about joy. James 1:2 says, “consider it all joy when you fall into various trials.” I never truly believed that was possible until a couple months ago. I’m also understanding Hebrews 12:2, which says, “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” I’m sure that Jesus did not exactly feel joy on the cross, but He had joy. Not to compare my pain to that of Jesus, for there is no comparison, but there are some days when I don’t feel joy either, but I still have joy. Romans 14:17 says, “…for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” To make this passage a little more relevant to my circumstances, you could even say that the kingdom of God is not in walking either, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. The pain that I experience is so bad at times that it can even make me cry. But behind every one tear of pain, there are two tears of joy, the joy of being completely overwhelmed and consumed by the great love of God. A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me a quote about a vision that Mother Teresa had about an angel stabbing her in the heart with an arrow. That quote describes exactly what I’m going through. That quote says, “When he pulled it out, I felt he took the contents of my heart with it, and left me utterly consumed by the great love of God…The sweetness caused by this intense pain is so extreme that one cannot possibly wish it to cease, nor is one’s soul then content with anything but God.”

His words left me thinking of something I haven’t really thought of before. Like Joseph he has his share of great pain, physically and emotionally. My burden of pain I’ve dealed with now is bereavement. Joseph was the closest person to me besides God. We shared everything together. We had no secrets. We were not only just married/engaged or whatever we were best friends. I never had to experience the lost of a close loved one. I did lose my grandparents and great-grands, but not someone as close as Joseph was to me. He was the man that I wanted to share the rest of my life with even though he didn’t have long to live. I gave him the keys to my heart. Joseph’s whole purpose in loving me was to make sure that I was focused on God. He did that. I loved God more as I loved Joseph.

Sometimes when I have my sad moments I feel little anger toward God. Sometimes I may get a little unfocused. Sometimes I am left thinking, “He took Joseph’s pain away but what about mine? What about my pain of grief? God tells me that, “Do not be angry with me. I am only here to help you. Depend on Me as you have been. I have a full purpose for your pain as I did for Joseph’s.” and I thought, “Hey, you’re right.” I feel that God wanted me to read this particular sermon of Joseph’s to get that message. I also felt that he used Joseph’s mother to send me that message too. She gave me some very encouraging bible verses. He has a purpose for the pain I am feeling. I know that I am not perfect and God doesn’t expect me to be. I know that I am overall doing well in my grief process but I am still climbing rocks in hard places to get to the top. I do not know what the full purpose of it is yet. But I do know that he wants us to be strong to defeat the evil one. There was another sermon of his that I read to that gave me encourage.

He said: “Every time I have gone to that church, my friend’s and I have a certain tradition after the service: go to his own house and sleep. On this particular Sunday I was still thawing out from the cold water, and I got to nap on probably the most comfortable couch in the world. Oh, it felt so good. After one of the best naps I have ever had, I looked out of the window and saw this huge tree. My first thought about this tree was, “Boy that sure is an ugly tree.” The tree was naked and it looked dead. It was also a very cold day in the middle of winter. As I was lying there, I could feel God asking me, “Why is this tree ugly? Is it not part of my perfect design that this tree has to go through this particular season?” Then all of a sudden, it hit me. Winter is good for the tree. There comes a time when the leaves must fall off and it seriously goes into some kind of hibernation to stay alive during the winter. When spring comes, brand new leaves will grow and the winter will have had made the tree stronger. The tree will go through this cycle year after year and when the time comes, the tree will be full grown and nothing will be able to knock down the tree, because its roots have gotten so strong. God related it back to me. He said, “Joseph, each season that I have you go through is part of my perfect design for you. It is normal for you to be sad and frustrated with life sometimes, but as you keep meeting with me, new things will grow out of the hard times. Take each day one day at a time, and trust that as you keep coming to me for strength, you will come out stronger.” This concept sounds familiar. I think it comes from James 1:3-4, which says “For you know that when your faith is tested, you endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

Ephesians 610 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[20] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints-- 19and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”



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